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Monday April 21, 08
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03:39 PM - Life
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It's pretty funny when you look back at your old thoughts and feelings, time does really change things, but does it change everything?
I have a new love. He is great. He's affectionate, loving, entertaining, and, so he tells me, adores me, loves me more than he thought he was ever capable of loving someone. Now, with my history of relationships I have a little trouble trusting guys even though deep down I know he is a good guy and it just seems unreal that I found him, and he's not married or even has any kids.
Of course with the good comes the bad. He's a bit psychologically unstable just as much as myself lol but I guess I can relate to that, because thats exactly how I was.
He ADORES children. I have never seen anyone as fond of children as he is, and the fact that he doesnt have any himself is just another part of why I find it unreal.
He's far from perfect, but then again, he's the best guy I have met, or maybe its just he's the best guy in my eyes. I know that if I dont do anything stupid (which is probably my main worry) that this could be the guy I spend the rest of my life with. I've said this before of someone I know, but as stupid as it always sounds, it feels completely different this time. He is so supportive of me, sometimes I question to myself why (which I know I shouldnt!), I guess some things dont change..like me.
I feel myself starting to go down that spiralling drain again like when I was with my first love, things should be good but my mind thinks otherwise, like maybe there's something missing!? I dont even know if thats the right thing to say, or how true it is...
I need something, someone, to show me what path I should be taking, what should I do now that will make things the way they should be for us to be happy in the future. I know its stupid, but I hate it that I dont know what the hell I'm doing!
I guess the question that keeps repeating for me is "what should I be doing"...or maybe "what do I really want?"
I'm doing uni at the moment, still in my first year and it is hard. This might all just be the stress from that, I dare say that it could definitely be the reason. I know I'm still young and I shouldnt be too hasty in my decisions, I need to stick with it, and everthing will be fine. Sometimes I just dwell too much on the negative. I need to stop.
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