Friday December 21, 07 06:06 AM - My Life, Its an open Book December 21 2007, I have hit a low point in my life and the sad thing is i know its just the beginning. I feel like I am drowning, I can see the surface but I just can't get the strength to swim to the top. Its pathetic it truly is, but let me bring you into my world so you can understand a more why i am this way. I'm sure my problems are miniscule compared to some of you guys but I guess I'm just a weak individual. Well Since I can remember my mom and dad have hated each other they split up when i was only a 10 months old all I ever heard from my mom was how much a piece of shit my dad was. my dad didn't have much better to say about my mom but who gives a fuck. My mom and I lived together for the first six years of my life and what an experience that was I had no idea that a 3 year old could stress out on problems such as rent food and creepy ass roomates. My mom had me when she was only 22, my dad was gone so i was her only company. She felt obligated to voice all of her problems onto me and suddenly her problems became mine, funny how that works. We moved over 18 times in those six years. I don't want to get to into but we met some weirdos in that time everything from your Thieving crazy roomate to your abusive boyfriend who ended up impregnating my mother with my oldest little brother. A gift from god no doubt. After about 6 boyfriends and 19 moves my dad finally decided to step and and take custody. He was too busy hooking up with his new girlfriend who became my stepmom. Ok i know what your thinking oh what crazy stepmom? No! Try angel sent to help me and keep me from offing myself whenever I was so low i could imagine it. I always felt like I had nowhere to turn then she would help me. My dad is a good guy don't get me wrong the entire time i lived with my mom he would drive every week to visit me and I was living in some far out places he has always lived in the south bay of LA I have lived in the valley, The IE and the strait up ghettos of Longbeach but regardless of where he would still drive his ass to come show me he cared and i will always acknowledge that. Back to the custody war my stepmom is a court reporter,(those people who type everything people say in court I know you have seen them before). Well my dad did well, he hired a good family law attorney and took me away from my mom thank god, the ironic part is she had just found stability with her new Boyfriend whom she will continue to date for the next ten years of my life. My dad while he seemed awesome was a better weekend dad. He knew how to be cool in small periods of time but if I spent too long with him i knew just the right buttons to push to get that ignition and then Boom we got Dr.Dad-Mr.Dickhead. I wouldn't say my dad was abusive considering I read the book the child called It, But he wasn't like the most gentle man and although he wasn't that abusive at a young age, I don't see how anyone could want to beat some one half their size. But belive me when I grew the beatings did too. So I lived with my dad and really the only complaint that I have is probably the same every other guy in America shares with me, He was always on my ass. About everything from me being outside to me not having a good work ethic everything. I am a gamer and my dad doesn't like that at all, so imagine the childhood. I would be in the middle of a game and he would come up and say its sunny outside go play, i would say my friends are all sleeping still. His reply, "You got nothing to do ok well i got something for you, Why don't you wash my car," or pull the weeds or.... FUCK MAN! FUCK YOU! I'M 10 FUCK OFF! I Mean seriously fuck you dude let me enjoy my youth however I can you don't have to throw a job at me because you don't like the way I live. Yeah i wish i could say that shit naw my reply ok i'll go wake up my friends, "No no you said they were sleeping we can knock out my car in less than an hour." Ok now if we were lower class I wouldn't mind helping the family out but we weren't we werent rich either just bluecollar middle class but he was completely capable of doing that shit himself. This was an everday thing mind you. Well too much of that shit can get a guy irritated and bitter with his dad and guess what happen to me. what made me more mad was my dad had just had two more kids with my angel of a stepmom and he treated them all dandy and gave me all the shit, granted they were young it made me bitter even more. Well as I grew my disrespect for my dad did as well. With all that growing my punishments were finally becoming beatings, the kind where they throw you on the ground mount you and basically palm your face repeatedly. Yes That is what happened dad You did that shit. My family doesn't like to believe what happened. My stepmom down plays it she would be my savior if he had not been her husband. Its funny how parents will overlook their children's safety all because of the guy/girl they are fucking. *spits* Well Im 14 my dad Finally learned how to blacken my eyes and on top of that i got 3 d's so i was grounded for summer and he was the one who was home during the days talk about no escape, about 2 weeks into my grounding (which means nothing in my room with a book i can't sleep till 9 o clock pm) I decided to leave i called my mom and moved in with her my depression has grown but is still minimal, during that summer my mom introduced me to pot. What an exciting summer that was i got to learn the different types, colors, hairs, crystals, ooh what a summer. My Mom was still with her douchebag boyfriend who had basically became my little brothers adopt-a-dad. Well long story short I seem to bring out alpha male syndrome with male figures because he tryed to fight me for no reason, hand to god my uncle was there I wasn't being disrespectful or anything, We later found out that he was a nut job or he turned into one considering he tryed to start a fight with my uncle. He ended up abandoning my little brother when him and my mom broke up, Some dad he was. Well now we are poor again we live in Murrieta Cali (909) I have no one to count on my mom is more of a friend than a mother so i turn to my friends. We all get drunk and high everyday to phase out the world because basically at this point in my life, FUCK THE WORLD. We start to have problems with the jocks so we get together and start a Krew, SouthSide Smoky Locs we had people from SD, Hawaiin Gardens, Tj and La areas. We were down for the cause so I start to get into trouble I get arrested for battery and petty robbery. I see my life is going no where so I look for a way out I'm 16 now turning 17 my dad offers me a car if I move back to the beach with him in Torrance I told my homies I was gonna move up get the car and move back but now things aren't looking that way i come back finish my last year of highschool with no girlfriend noprom date no winter formal date no homecoming date and lots of therapy. I graduate my car breaks, gets broken into and jacked, breaks again, breaks again ,breaks one more time, WoW account gets jacked im up to 4 grand in debt making 600 dollars a month and making 185 dollar bill payments every month and oh yeah I got a ticket for speeding. That's just my financial issues I still have never had a real Gf. I mean I have had one of those month relationships, but come on I want the real thing. To top it off the girl of my dreams who i have known all along decides she is basically over me and dating some 6'5 basketball player who is in my opinion as attractive as... well he is not that attractive and iI just quit smoking cigarettes but guess what I'm smoking pot and drinking a hell of a lot more but whats a better choice who the fuck knows Discussion